I'm not a Japanese monk running and prostrating and running. I'm not a 3,100 Mile racer going around a city block for 70 miles a day. I never will be at Bad Water, Leadville or Western States. I am here in the boring midwest, a girl doing situps, bench presses and running through the early morning darkness. I love it. Running fills me with happiness. Happiness tells me I can have it with me all day. Happiness is a gift and a decision to receive.
Running for its own sake is a different paradigm. Running without asking it for anything is the end of running as I know it. Running is being, the reception of the gift of heaven, the contemplation of God, the existential mountain top of life. Running, the ontological tool of transcendence beyond the merely physical. The metaphysical bottom line of running is the early morning silence where even the runner makes no sound.
The 51 year old woman who never grew up wants a t-shirt and a shiney medal. The 51 year old woman who is a cranky adult poo-poos the idea of the shiney medal. The 51 year old running spirit will be running, one place or another as Spirit calls. Its really none of my business.
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Monday, September 6, 2010
Sept Multiday - Monday
Today I finished my vacation: 29 miles of 9x1 in 5h52. Dang that was swell. I did 4 trips down the levy and back. The last trip started at 1 pm in 91F/32C conditions. I did it just for the mental fortitude of it. Perchance I go in a 50k next Saturday, it will be 5 laps and I will need that mental fortitude for the last lap.
No blister issues. No achilles issues.
Vacation re-cap:
Thursday- 4h11 min of running.
Friday: 3h9 min of running plus a strength workout.
Saturday: 4h33 min of running plus 30 min walking on tm plus core.
Sunday: 2h10 min on ex-machines plus 2h27 min running plus strength.
Monday: 5h52 min of running.
Slept in 4 of the 5 days!
Great inner work and exercise of spiritual commitment. Overall excellent vacation!
From my spiritual study this morning (without any philosophizing on my part): "Within your brother’s holiness, the perfect frame for your salvation and the world’s, is set the shining memory of Him in Whom your brother lives, and you along with him. Let not your eyes be blinded by the veil of specialness that hides the face of Christ from him, and you as well. And let the fear of God no longer hold the vision you were meant to see from you. Your brother’s body shows not Christ to you. He is set forth within his holiness…. Choose, then, his body or his holiness as what you want to see, and which you choose is yours to look upon…. And where is God Himself but in that part of Him He set forever in your brother’s holiness, that you might see the truth about yourself… The Christ in you beholds his holiness. Your specialness looks on his body and beholds him not." (ACIM text 24.VI)
No blister issues. No achilles issues.
Vacation re-cap:
Thursday- 4h11 min of running.
Friday: 3h9 min of running plus a strength workout.
Saturday: 4h33 min of running plus 30 min walking on tm plus core.
Sunday: 2h10 min on ex-machines plus 2h27 min running plus strength.
Monday: 5h52 min of running.
Slept in 4 of the 5 days!
Great inner work and exercise of spiritual commitment. Overall excellent vacation!
From my spiritual study this morning (without any philosophizing on my part): "Within your brother’s holiness, the perfect frame for your salvation and the world’s, is set the shining memory of Him in Whom your brother lives, and you along with him. Let not your eyes be blinded by the veil of specialness that hides the face of Christ from him, and you as well. And let the fear of God no longer hold the vision you were meant to see from you. Your brother’s body shows not Christ to you. He is set forth within his holiness…. Choose, then, his body or his holiness as what you want to see, and which you choose is yours to look upon…. And where is God Himself but in that part of Him He set forever in your brother’s holiness, that you might see the truth about yourself… The Christ in you beholds his holiness. Your specialness looks on his body and beholds him not." (ACIM text 24.VI)
Sunday, September 5, 2010
Sept Multiday - Sunday
So much soul searching today.
I woke up at 4 am, but was stiff from yesterday’s workout. I shut off the alarm, set to go off at 5, and went back to sleep until 7. My first thought at 7 was, “you are piddling away your vacation.” Wow! Positive start to the day.
I think I should be accomplishing something during vacation; like working out more or something. As I sat reflecting, over coffee, I also faced my work fears. That is, sometimes my job and colleagues terrify me: so much to get done (correct and on time), and a “power over” relationship which is pressing my inner child emotional buttons. Then my day's first self denigrating thought extended itself to my entire life: what a waste my life is. I was taught that I should do something great and leave a legacy, but sadly, all my efforts so far have failed (and I have tried).
I sat in silence some more…a moment of clarity occurred. My plan for my life involves going deeper within. I’ve barely scratched the surface of realities beyond the worldly one. It is true that what I yearn for is not here, not within worldly accomplishment. I am a student of A Course in Miracles (ACIM). My practice is to continually deny ego and to deny it’s belief in sin; instead seeing (with inner eyes) “what-God-loves.”
God being love would only make love. This love must be in what God created, but the ego does not see it because the ego does not want it. The ego wants to see others as sinners; so that is all it sees. So I must use a way of seeing which does not involve ego. I call this using my inner eyes, Christ eyes. The inner eyes can see “what-God-loves.”
It occurs to me that the normal mind set (loving a few, annoyed or critical or indifferent to most, hating a few) is not good enough for me. I insist on having a hate free mind because that is freedom for me. I see that what I want the most, and desperately want to succeed at, is seeing things differently, seeing “what-God-loves.” I need to identify with the divine presence in me (what I sometimes call Christ). If you found a way to escape all fear and hate, frustration and sickness, by seeing “what-God-loves,” wouldn’t you drop everything else and run along that way with all of your body, mind and spirit? ACIM is what I’ve been given. I’ve studied it long enough to know what it means, and see enough outcome to know it is true. I have faith in what I’ve been given.
Therefore, here is the result of my vacation/retreat: I am dedicating my life (again) to seeing “what-God-loves;” and learning to use my inner Christ eyes to see it. The Holy Spirit is awarded another year’s contract to be my Teacher.
I have to throw my heart into something. This is THAT THING.
So, then I had a fabulous workout. I used my ex-machines for 2h10 while I listened to NPR. Then, I hit the trails for 2h27 (about 10 miles). I really really am getting stronger. I was able to leap over what I couldn’t before. When I tripped, I could catch myself. When I got to the easy parts, I had the energy to pick up the speed. I’ve found a way to add 9 flights of stairs to each lap, just to add some additional strength and coordination.
Maybe I’ll get some free weights in this evening. Tomorrow is a celebration day. I’m thinking I’ll do another run combo of flats and trails. I plan to add the steep trail up the dam to at least one of the trail loops (for the first time I feel capable). I will end part one of the ACIM workbook and begin part 2 on Monday. I am starting a new nutrition notebook. Maybe I’ll go in a 50k next weekend.
I woke up at 4 am, but was stiff from yesterday’s workout. I shut off the alarm, set to go off at 5, and went back to sleep until 7. My first thought at 7 was, “you are piddling away your vacation.” Wow! Positive start to the day.
I think I should be accomplishing something during vacation; like working out more or something. As I sat reflecting, over coffee, I also faced my work fears. That is, sometimes my job and colleagues terrify me: so much to get done (correct and on time), and a “power over” relationship which is pressing my inner child emotional buttons. Then my day's first self denigrating thought extended itself to my entire life: what a waste my life is. I was taught that I should do something great and leave a legacy, but sadly, all my efforts so far have failed (and I have tried).
I sat in silence some more…a moment of clarity occurred. My plan for my life involves going deeper within. I’ve barely scratched the surface of realities beyond the worldly one. It is true that what I yearn for is not here, not within worldly accomplishment. I am a student of A Course in Miracles (ACIM). My practice is to continually deny ego and to deny it’s belief in sin; instead seeing (with inner eyes) “what-God-loves.”
God being love would only make love. This love must be in what God created, but the ego does not see it because the ego does not want it. The ego wants to see others as sinners; so that is all it sees. So I must use a way of seeing which does not involve ego. I call this using my inner eyes, Christ eyes. The inner eyes can see “what-God-loves.”
It occurs to me that the normal mind set (loving a few, annoyed or critical or indifferent to most, hating a few) is not good enough for me. I insist on having a hate free mind because that is freedom for me. I see that what I want the most, and desperately want to succeed at, is seeing things differently, seeing “what-God-loves.” I need to identify with the divine presence in me (what I sometimes call Christ). If you found a way to escape all fear and hate, frustration and sickness, by seeing “what-God-loves,” wouldn’t you drop everything else and run along that way with all of your body, mind and spirit? ACIM is what I’ve been given. I’ve studied it long enough to know what it means, and see enough outcome to know it is true. I have faith in what I’ve been given.
Therefore, here is the result of my vacation/retreat: I am dedicating my life (again) to seeing “what-God-loves;” and learning to use my inner Christ eyes to see it. The Holy Spirit is awarded another year’s contract to be my Teacher.
I have to throw my heart into something. This is THAT THING.
So, then I had a fabulous workout. I used my ex-machines for 2h10 while I listened to NPR. Then, I hit the trails for 2h27 (about 10 miles). I really really am getting stronger. I was able to leap over what I couldn’t before. When I tripped, I could catch myself. When I got to the easy parts, I had the energy to pick up the speed. I’ve found a way to add 9 flights of stairs to each lap, just to add some additional strength and coordination.
Maybe I’ll get some free weights in this evening. Tomorrow is a celebration day. I’m thinking I’ll do another run combo of flats and trails. I plan to add the steep trail up the dam to at least one of the trail loops (for the first time I feel capable). I will end part one of the ACIM workbook and begin part 2 on Monday. I am starting a new nutrition notebook. Maybe I’ll go in a 50k next weekend.
Saturday, September 4, 2010
Sept Multiday - Saturday
This morning: 21 miles of 8x2s.
This evening: core plus 30 min walking uphill on the tm.
I did 8x2 to give my legs an easy day. I left a bit out there this morning. Maybe because of a blister. Maybe because of tomorrow. Maybe I was a little low on liquids and it was getting hot. Thats why I had the energy for the tm this evening.
I got up at 5 and did my coffee and spiritual reflection. By 6:40, I started in at the levy, looking forward to a nice boring day. But pretty soon, I noticed an issue: an aid station with 6 or 8 jugs (uh oh). It turns out one of those coaching "train for a marathon" groups was having their LSD in my neighborhood. They had groups of runners coming along that must have totalled near 70 or even 100. So my usually lonely place was almost a traffic jam (meaning I even had to use the porta at one end instead of the great outdoors).
It was sort of a learning experience. My "road less travelled" was obviously not that. These groups of socialites, jabbering their way along, were obviously so not in touch with "the loneliness of the long distance runner." But I was obviously out of step, "hearing a different drummer." Typical life for an introvert: alone in a group, drinking my own particular sports drink, going the wrong way. It appeared we were doing the same thing, but I am not "training." Hours after the herds had gone on, I was still there. My intentions were more toward reflection than accomplishment.
Well, after about 2 hours, they were all gone and I had the rest of the time by myself, mulling over what had just happened. I see that running as a group activity does not at all serve my purpose, not even for one day a week; especially since I only get two days a week to do hours of running. And I see why I don't tolerate marathons too much any more: you have to deal with a hoard of people.
In a group of people, I am continually adjusting to other's space and behavior, not being myself, distracted from my inner resources and unconscious of the other levels of reality. So I missed it today.
This evening: core plus 30 min walking uphill on the tm.
I did 8x2 to give my legs an easy day. I left a bit out there this morning. Maybe because of a blister. Maybe because of tomorrow. Maybe I was a little low on liquids and it was getting hot. Thats why I had the energy for the tm this evening.
I got up at 5 and did my coffee and spiritual reflection. By 6:40, I started in at the levy, looking forward to a nice boring day. But pretty soon, I noticed an issue: an aid station with 6 or 8 jugs (uh oh). It turns out one of those coaching "train for a marathon" groups was having their LSD in my neighborhood. They had groups of runners coming along that must have totalled near 70 or even 100. So my usually lonely place was almost a traffic jam (meaning I even had to use the porta at one end instead of the great outdoors).
It was sort of a learning experience. My "road less travelled" was obviously not that. These groups of socialites, jabbering their way along, were obviously so not in touch with "the loneliness of the long distance runner." But I was obviously out of step, "hearing a different drummer." Typical life for an introvert: alone in a group, drinking my own particular sports drink, going the wrong way. It appeared we were doing the same thing, but I am not "training." Hours after the herds had gone on, I was still there. My intentions were more toward reflection than accomplishment.
Well, after about 2 hours, they were all gone and I had the rest of the time by myself, mulling over what had just happened. I see that running as a group activity does not at all serve my purpose, not even for one day a week; especially since I only get two days a week to do hours of running. And I see why I don't tolerate marathons too much any more: you have to deal with a hoard of people.
In a group of people, I am continually adjusting to other's space and behavior, not being myself, distracted from my inner resources and unconscious of the other levels of reality. So I missed it today.
Friday, September 3, 2010
Sept Multiday - Friday
I slept late today, 7:30. Then I had coffee and spiritual study until 9:30. When I headed to the park, it was still only 64F! I ran 8.1 miles at a steady 10 m/m pace, even though my quads felt tired. My achilles was not in pain from yesterday. Then, I switched to the Sanctuary trail and ran another 1h50. I did 3 laps today (about 7 miles) before the legs were totally tired.
All during my running, I was realizing how I must be in transition. Most of the summer, I was driven to get up early and complete 5 and 6 hour training days on the weekends. Looking back, I think my race plans (hot July ultras) were driving the endurance effort. But as I’ve switched to some trail running, the emphasis on strengthening my quads is taking over. I feel fatigue like I’ve not felt before, but no injuries. However, the question of why was in my mind. I'm not particularly interested in racing at the moment, so why do I train?
This afternoon, after my deep tissue massage (I hate massages), the answer hit me. I am an athlete. That’s why I train. I don’t care if I never go in another competition. I am an athlete. I am a spiritual athlete and long distance runner. These go hand in hand. My spiritual sport requires just as much time and effort as running. I must grow in both and that means work. But, I've never wanted to stop either; not spirituality after I failed at the monastery, and not running after I became so unimpressed with races. I am an athlete so I carry out my life like one, no matter that it does no good in this world.
I am an athlete in the depth of my soul. I have purified the motives of my sports. I don't train to race and I don't study spirituality for this world.
Now, time for free weights. My LMT verified that my traps are much stronger than they used to be.
All during my running, I was realizing how I must be in transition. Most of the summer, I was driven to get up early and complete 5 and 6 hour training days on the weekends. Looking back, I think my race plans (hot July ultras) were driving the endurance effort. But as I’ve switched to some trail running, the emphasis on strengthening my quads is taking over. I feel fatigue like I’ve not felt before, but no injuries. However, the question of why was in my mind. I'm not particularly interested in racing at the moment, so why do I train?
This afternoon, after my deep tissue massage (I hate massages), the answer hit me. I am an athlete. That’s why I train. I don’t care if I never go in another competition. I am an athlete. I am a spiritual athlete and long distance runner. These go hand in hand. My spiritual sport requires just as much time and effort as running. I must grow in both and that means work. But, I've never wanted to stop either; not spirituality after I failed at the monastery, and not running after I became so unimpressed with races. I am an athlete so I carry out my life like one, no matter that it does no good in this world.
I am an athlete in the depth of my soul. I have purified the motives of my sports. I don't train to race and I don't study spirituality for this world.
Now, time for free weights. My LMT verified that my traps are much stronger than they used to be.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Sept Multiday 1 - Thursday
I woke up this morning with a good idea. I am free; meaning, I can run or not as much or as little as I feel like it. I'm not training, but more importantly I am not emulating. Mainly I am not emulating the 3,100 mile Self Transcendence racers or any other multi-day race where God is supposedly found.
.
I have no agenda. In particular, I have no agenda for God or enlightenment. So I lingered over my coffee and spiritual study. It has cooled off a little, so I am not so pressed to get a run started real early in the morning.
.
I got to the park at about 8:30 and started jogging; and continuing to reflect. About 20 minutes into the run, I started to feel the Presence of Love and the ability to choose it instead of hate. I began to feel grateful.
.
I ran in the park for one hour at marathon pace and two hours of 8x2s. Then I moved over to the Sanctuary trail. My legs were tired so I went slow. The rocks were wet and slippery, so I didn't take many chances with them. I ran 2 laps, or 1h20.
.
I've been taking it easy this afternoon. Vacation is a gift of time. For me, the best thing to do with time is to turn inward to The True Source. Anyone can know the Power of God which is within if they stop and let It be. Yes, this is Christ or Self or Love or God. I spend my time being in Its Presence. Just that. Nothing more.
.
I am grateful to be a runner and contemplative. Running helps me to contemplate, and contemplation helps me to run. Tomorrow is another day.
.
I have no agenda. In particular, I have no agenda for God or enlightenment. So I lingered over my coffee and spiritual study. It has cooled off a little, so I am not so pressed to get a run started real early in the morning.
.
I got to the park at about 8:30 and started jogging; and continuing to reflect. About 20 minutes into the run, I started to feel the Presence of Love and the ability to choose it instead of hate. I began to feel grateful.
.
I ran in the park for one hour at marathon pace and two hours of 8x2s. Then I moved over to the Sanctuary trail. My legs were tired so I went slow. The rocks were wet and slippery, so I didn't take many chances with them. I ran 2 laps, or 1h20.
.
I've been taking it easy this afternoon. Vacation is a gift of time. For me, the best thing to do with time is to turn inward to The True Source. Anyone can know the Power of God which is within if they stop and let It be. Yes, this is Christ or Self or Love or God. I spend my time being in Its Presence. Just that. Nothing more.
.
I am grateful to be a runner and contemplative. Running helps me to contemplate, and contemplation helps me to run. Tomorrow is another day.
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Sept Multiday 1 - Wednesday Eve
My only task for 5 days is to be quiet and think of light.
Tomorrow’s lesson: "Love is the way I walk in gratitude.
Tomorrow’s lesson: "Love is the way I walk in gratitude.
The Holy Spirit is my only Guide.
He walks with me in love. And I give thanks
to Him for showing me the way to go."
I started my vacation at noon. I have no plans. I'll study ACIM, workout and meditate. I'll post my various reflections. This afternoon, I took a 5.4 mile run by the river in Parkville. Arriving home, I worked with the foam roller and stretching; plus core.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)