What am I living for?

This question appeared in my life recently and I was intrigued. It is a different take on the other question: What is the purpose of my life? I couldn't of myself come up with a purpose, like Jesus of something.

But what am I living for?

To be a writer. To be a marathoner. To be an ultra-fit elder woman. To be sober and in conscious contact with my higher power. To complete the book I'm working on. To push the envelope of my consciousness and evolutionary stance.

I am in the process of switching carriers and methods of accessing the internet. I decided that I didn't like one company. My interim measure is not sufficient for the long term. So now I have a new long term plan and it is in the works. But it takes a few days and some financial backing. I mention this because it is also a evolutionary and metaphysical process.

Yesterday, I installed a new type of smoke detector in my bedroom. This also is an evolutionary change, part of an evolutionary and metaphysical process. Completion required me going to the store and picking out a new detector. Then, a day later, thinking about it while laying on the bed reading, feeling the impetus to do something, putting down my book, getting off the bed, finding a screwdriver and making the switch. I needed to feel the impetus or nothing would have happened. For this feeling, I know that I can complete evolutionary processes step by step.

The book I am writing is an evolutionary process of changing the nature of addiction recovery. I can complete this process step by step.

What am I living for? To carry out metaphysical processes, called creation and human evolution. Fun, in other words.

I used to live in hopes of fixing my emotional state. I was a miserable creature, always angry and trying to prove myself, fending off the world and its people. I no longer have a need to do that. My emotional state is fine.

I quit my career type job to construct phase 3 of my life. I have a good start on that but it is a process. I am living to carry out the process.

But still, deep down inside, what did my physical being want to live for? Why did my soul want to be a human being? Why did my physical being end up in a tragic family of origin? I don't have the answer. I received many gifts from my parents, but also some very bad neuro wiring. I don't think I'll have these answers until I go home, transition out of physical life. For now, I keep pushing forward from where I am today. From the outside, I may appear to be sitting on a bench of life. What I am actually doing does not appear to the people of the world.

Tomorrow is the Kansas City marathon. Will it be just another marathon? Or will it be part of an evolutionary process? What am I living for? Will I feel invigorated at the end? Iwill if that is what I anticipate.