Ultra Desire

I have had a very unusual week. See, I have thought that once a woman is past menopause that hormonal emotions went away. So I didn't know why I have been in such a struggle for a few months. For awhile, I thought it was recovery from surgery. But on Monday, my inner emotional state was so bad that I finally realized I felt like I was under the same could that I had experienced for months as part of menopause. I mentioned this to a co-worker. She sent me to the drug store to get an herbal estrogen product. She said, yes, you don't have what you used to have and that is the reason for the inner struggle.

I tried a dose of the product Monday evening; and slept in a whole new pattern. This past week, I have actually felt happy and able to get out of bed quite easily.

So I was up very early on my days off (Friday and Saturday) to get running in before it got too ungodly hot. This brings me to today, Sunday. I gave myself permission to sleep in; which I did because my hips were not hurting. So, I thought I might have to do my exercise on indoor machines but when I looked outside, it was cloudy. That means, it is warm of course (88F/ 31C actual) and humid, but not unbearable.

So I loaded up my new Nathan and at 9:45 headed across the street to the park. I though, "I will just walk a bit." Well, it turns out that I got in 18.15 miles in 4h35min. Wow!

There is something amazingly wonderful about a 2L hydro-pak. I had enough fluids and gel and energy bars to last for several hours in that heat. Indeed, I didn't go home til it was empty. With the pack, I become detached from the world for a few hours. I can dream that I am totally lost in endless miles. I got to do this 3 days in a row too.

I am "training" for a real race. I am "preparing" for a virtual race. I am just doing what I like to do: miles. Now that I am "old", I don't need to worry about how fast I'm going, whether I'll win anything, what a training schedule might require of me. I just do miles. I just be free. Nothing more.