My dear readers, well I know there is at least one of you, you deserve an ending to the Easter story of Spirit Flower, spiritual athlete.
Last night, in the dregs of what could have been the Easter Vigil, I sat in my solitude and thought:
The monastics while away their time in liturgy, claiming the highest purpose and vocation. I, in solitude, while away my time as nothing, purposeless and useless and worthless, I visit the likes of Mr. Rushdie, a baffling author to say the least. In the two styles, their high Mass versus my reading on the bed, a circle is formed. We become united and overlapped at the ends of the three dimensional bell curve, a geometric temporality wrapped around the cylinder of the existential time warp. Both of us face the bleakest of futures unless able to step out of the bell curve and into the blackness lightness of the time warp. In the black light, eternity stands accepting and embracing all existence willing to let go of form and function and merely be.
I woke up this morning with the alarm clock in a surprisingly positive state of mind. I have spent more than two years studying A Course in Miracles and its practice of forgiveness, which is inside out and backwards of the Christian idea of forgiveness. Especially the past 3 or 4 days, my bafflement for the practice has loomed large in my forward consciousness. I kept asking the Holy Spirit for help, “What is it? How do I do it?” My mind continued to give blank impressions of what I should do; until this morning.
This morning, I imagined an extremely ugly and obese person I had seen in Wal-Mart awhile ago. At the time, I had judged and silently thought deprecating thoughts about that person. This morning, as the image flashed into my mind, I envisioned that person instantly awakened to Heaven and Truth. Then I thought of the various persons in my life and easily imagined them also gifted with spiritual awakening. I was surprised at my total lack of judgment or hatred of anybody. Fear and loathing were totally replaced with the ability to see anyone as an enlightened awakened being, existences far superior to their earthly illusions.
And so, I accept that at least for today I have a handle on the ACIM practice of forgiveness. This is my Eastertide.
I went running for 10 miles. It was an enjoyable run cut short by the idea of entering marathon next Saturday. I patronized Wal-Mart in search of Brussels sprouts and veggie patch meat balls, my intended lunch. I did a little work for work and again visited Mr. Rushdie. The space in my life not occupied by running was comfortably left vacant with some meditation time.
I have nothing to do, except perhaps lift weights in a little bit. I have nothing to show for my life. I have a silent and secret practice of projecting enlightenment (instead of disgust). I guess I will continue on with my waiting and watching and projecting of something hopeful. Tomorrow will be something else and the day after that something else and then a marathon and then another marathon and then weight lifting and then more long boring running. I refuse to stop looking and delving into the inner black light; and continue to resist the siren call of worldly involvement.