Shoot! I hate it when this happens. Now I'm confused.
Today I ran on a measured flat dirt course (2.7 mi/lap). 98 minutes for 4 laps (10.8 miles). The lap times were 26 min, 25 min, 24:30 and 23:40 (WHAT 8:45 a mile?). NON-Gu-assisted running. My body feels great now several hours later. The cycle of the moon is in my favor given female concerns (a 50 year old still dealing with this). I just bought a new singlet.
Back to plan A? More taper for 5 days and then race the heck out of Maryville?
Could happen. We'll see.
Lift weights. Walk alot, jog a little. Stay on the diet. Mow the lawn.
Sunday, June 7, 2009
Saturday, June 6, 2009
The Road to Maryville - 7 days to go
Today’s lesson: “Only my condemnation injures me. Only my own forgiveness sets me free.”
I got up at 5, not knowing what I will do today. I struggled with decisions: should I go to Leavenworth now and the 8 am fellowship in Kansas City? Should I go to Leavenworth at 5 pm and go to my friend’s sobriety anniversary at 8 pm in Kansas City? I don't really feel like going to Kansas City. Should I run today; if so where, how long? While all these decisions were raging in my head, I was studying ACIM. It dawned on me that I was trying to make a decision by myself instead of asking Jesus for help.
So I calmed down. Realized that my ego was yelling at me. I denied it and sunk into peace. I returned my mind to peace. I was able to realize that my ego was accusing me of being guilty no matter what I chose. If I don’t go to my friend’s anniversary, I’m guilty (my fear projection: won’t my friend be disappointed in me). If I do go, I tried to appease the ego god. If I don’t go to the 8 am fellowship, I’m guilty (my fear projection: my friends will be disappointed in me). If I do go to the meeting; I tried to please the people and appease the ego god. If I stay alone running and contemplating, I’m guilty because I “should” do something with others for my life to be valid. I was in an ego fear trap. I was trying to decide between illusions, not deciding with the Holy Spirit. Course students reading this will realize I need to bring my guilt and fear to Jesus and accept the Atonement for myself. Fear is lack of love and is not real.
I decided I wanted peace and peace is now. I returned to the peace in the now. The wide open spaces and wind in my face and sun on my back were calling me. For pure personal want, I filled the Nathan hydropak, loaded it with Gu and decided to head out for the Kansas fields. I wanted to try the 7 and 3 pattern. I wanted to be alone with my thoughts. I wanted to work on my metaphysics. I didn’t want to run my life on guilt. Somewhere in all of this was the idea that the Holy Spirit speaks quieter and after the ego; and what He was saying was probably the opposite of whatever I felt guilty for. I want to be an athlete. I lifted the weights. I greased the toes. I pooped a lot. Bowels wonderfully empty of all my shit (literally and figuratively), I was free to run.
Driving down to the river (2 miles), I realized ultimate forgiveness: let Them ( Father, Son and Holy Spirit) off the hook. They didn’t make the guilt, or this world, or anything. God is love and welcomes me into His embrace anytime I choose to go there. And let my self off the hook. Somewhere, long ago, I decided I was guilty and bad; and that isn’t true. I’m somehow here in the terrifying ego dream of this world. But let myself off the hook. I’m on the path out of this dream.
I set off north using the 7 and 3 running/walking pattern. Aren’t I supposed to be tapering for next week? Yes, well, I didn’t plan on running 3 hours or jog/walking for 6, like I normally do. So that is tapering in my reality. I had an uneventful and pleasant 3 hours. I saw two deer, prairie hens, red-winged black birds, vultures and many squished frogs. At one point, a large yellow and black monarch accompanied me for a few feet. Running, I was escorted by royalty, The King Himself. I wanted to find which road cut west over to another road but I ended up on a dying road that stopped in a cow pasture. I peed, saw it had taken 90 minutes to get to this beautiful dead end, turned around and headed back.
At around this time, I finally got to the beauty of a question: what is beyond the yammering of my ego? I’ve spent a lifetime listening to my ego’s demands. I want to stop. I want to look beyond it. That is true forgiveness of my self because looking beyond the ego, I see the thought of love in the Mind of God, which is my true identity. At that moment, I realized that beyond the ego is silence. I was back to my place of peace.
Another hour went by. I found that my mind had turned itself over to the lesson for the day and I was running along with the chant: only my condemnation injures me. Last night, I had taken my inventory and made a list of the people and institutions I condemned, judged that is. I accepted responsibility for my projection of my dream. I took it back. As I ran along chanting my lesson, I was forgiving, looking beyond, all the people on my list. I gave them new life by looking beyond their body to the truth of Christ hidden within, beyond. Forgiveness is looking beyond using Christ vision. I was renouncing my guilty condemning thoughts and claiming Christ vision as my modus operandi.
I got back with my legs in really good shape. I’m still undecided about whether the Maryville marathon will be a race or a training run. Now that I am into ultrarunning and reaping the physical benefits of low impact pacing, I’m a little reluctant to go through the beating of running 26 miles.
On the way home, I went by the local cowboy hardware store, thinking they might have some bag balm. I want to start using it on my feet. They did have authentic bag balm; but I bought another udder product that had stuff in it like A, E and D, instead of the oxide chemicals in the original bag balm. But then, I blew it. Next to the bag balm was some DMSO. Suddenly my brain went ka-chunk. My mind went crazy saying, “get it, get it; its not just for horses. It will be better for your knee than NSAIDs.” A ten year supply of DMSO cost less than a bottle of ibuprophen, so what the heck, I got it. I have it on now. My knee didn’t evaporate or bubble up in chemical flames.
No big deals! 125 days to Heartland Prairie 50 mile race. I weighed 130 after my run. I’m showered and fed. Time for a nap. Jesus can handle the rest of my day. I don’t know what I will do. I may have got my wonderful time outside, but I still don’t know what to do about my friend’s anniversary or when I will go to Leavenworth for groceries.
I got up at 5, not knowing what I will do today. I struggled with decisions: should I go to Leavenworth now and the 8 am fellowship in Kansas City? Should I go to Leavenworth at 5 pm and go to my friend’s sobriety anniversary at 8 pm in Kansas City? I don't really feel like going to Kansas City. Should I run today; if so where, how long? While all these decisions were raging in my head, I was studying ACIM. It dawned on me that I was trying to make a decision by myself instead of asking Jesus for help.
So I calmed down. Realized that my ego was yelling at me. I denied it and sunk into peace. I returned my mind to peace. I was able to realize that my ego was accusing me of being guilty no matter what I chose. If I don’t go to my friend’s anniversary, I’m guilty (my fear projection: won’t my friend be disappointed in me). If I do go, I tried to appease the ego god. If I don’t go to the 8 am fellowship, I’m guilty (my fear projection: my friends will be disappointed in me). If I do go to the meeting; I tried to please the people and appease the ego god. If I stay alone running and contemplating, I’m guilty because I “should” do something with others for my life to be valid. I was in an ego fear trap. I was trying to decide between illusions, not deciding with the Holy Spirit. Course students reading this will realize I need to bring my guilt and fear to Jesus and accept the Atonement for myself. Fear is lack of love and is not real.
I decided I wanted peace and peace is now. I returned to the peace in the now. The wide open spaces and wind in my face and sun on my back were calling me. For pure personal want, I filled the Nathan hydropak, loaded it with Gu and decided to head out for the Kansas fields. I wanted to try the 7 and 3 pattern. I wanted to be alone with my thoughts. I wanted to work on my metaphysics. I didn’t want to run my life on guilt. Somewhere in all of this was the idea that the Holy Spirit speaks quieter and after the ego; and what He was saying was probably the opposite of whatever I felt guilty for. I want to be an athlete. I lifted the weights. I greased the toes. I pooped a lot. Bowels wonderfully empty of all my shit (literally and figuratively), I was free to run.
Driving down to the river (2 miles), I realized ultimate forgiveness: let Them ( Father, Son and Holy Spirit) off the hook. They didn’t make the guilt, or this world, or anything. God is love and welcomes me into His embrace anytime I choose to go there. And let my self off the hook. Somewhere, long ago, I decided I was guilty and bad; and that isn’t true. I’m somehow here in the terrifying ego dream of this world. But let myself off the hook. I’m on the path out of this dream.
I set off north using the 7 and 3 running/walking pattern. Aren’t I supposed to be tapering for next week? Yes, well, I didn’t plan on running 3 hours or jog/walking for 6, like I normally do. So that is tapering in my reality. I had an uneventful and pleasant 3 hours. I saw two deer, prairie hens, red-winged black birds, vultures and many squished frogs. At one point, a large yellow and black monarch accompanied me for a few feet. Running, I was escorted by royalty, The King Himself. I wanted to find which road cut west over to another road but I ended up on a dying road that stopped in a cow pasture. I peed, saw it had taken 90 minutes to get to this beautiful dead end, turned around and headed back.
At around this time, I finally got to the beauty of a question: what is beyond the yammering of my ego? I’ve spent a lifetime listening to my ego’s demands. I want to stop. I want to look beyond it. That is true forgiveness of my self because looking beyond the ego, I see the thought of love in the Mind of God, which is my true identity. At that moment, I realized that beyond the ego is silence. I was back to my place of peace.
Another hour went by. I found that my mind had turned itself over to the lesson for the day and I was running along with the chant: only my condemnation injures me. Last night, I had taken my inventory and made a list of the people and institutions I condemned, judged that is. I accepted responsibility for my projection of my dream. I took it back. As I ran along chanting my lesson, I was forgiving, looking beyond, all the people on my list. I gave them new life by looking beyond their body to the truth of Christ hidden within, beyond. Forgiveness is looking beyond using Christ vision. I was renouncing my guilty condemning thoughts and claiming Christ vision as my modus operandi.
I got back with my legs in really good shape. I’m still undecided about whether the Maryville marathon will be a race or a training run. Now that I am into ultrarunning and reaping the physical benefits of low impact pacing, I’m a little reluctant to go through the beating of running 26 miles.
On the way home, I went by the local cowboy hardware store, thinking they might have some bag balm. I want to start using it on my feet. They did have authentic bag balm; but I bought another udder product that had stuff in it like A, E and D, instead of the oxide chemicals in the original bag balm. But then, I blew it. Next to the bag balm was some DMSO. Suddenly my brain went ka-chunk. My mind went crazy saying, “get it, get it; its not just for horses. It will be better for your knee than NSAIDs.” A ten year supply of DMSO cost less than a bottle of ibuprophen, so what the heck, I got it. I have it on now. My knee didn’t evaporate or bubble up in chemical flames.
No big deals! 125 days to Heartland Prairie 50 mile race. I weighed 130 after my run. I’m showered and fed. Time for a nap. Jesus can handle the rest of my day. I don’t know what I will do. I may have got my wonderful time outside, but I still don’t know what to do about my friend’s anniversary or when I will go to Leavenworth for groceries.
Friday, June 5, 2009
The Road to Maryville - Day 5 of Taper
Fridays are my special days. I get up about 25 minutes early in order to have a few extra minutes for spiritual reading and a few extra minutes for running.
My brain was very quiet this morning. Peace had descended. Mental peace causes you to wonder if you really want peace. It seems I usually start a project to undo peace as soon as things get to be too quiet. After the meditation, I lifted weights and jog/walked for 75 minutes. Jog/walk is my low impact alternative to be used for ultra marathons. It amazes me how you can do this for hours and not tear up your legs.
It was a very pleasant morning for a run. I pondered how I have changed since deciding to go in a 50 mile race. The woman who ran a 1:55 half mary in April and could have run a BQ for a full mary no longer exists. I am not her. I have had to learn the low impact pacing. My world has become one of time alone, not distance or competition or qualification or awards. Letting go of the speed angle fits well with inner peace.
A line from A Course in Miracles (ACIM): In your heart, the Heart of God is laid.
My brain was very quiet this morning. Peace had descended. Mental peace causes you to wonder if you really want peace. It seems I usually start a project to undo peace as soon as things get to be too quiet. After the meditation, I lifted weights and jog/walked for 75 minutes. Jog/walk is my low impact alternative to be used for ultra marathons. It amazes me how you can do this for hours and not tear up your legs.
It was a very pleasant morning for a run. I pondered how I have changed since deciding to go in a 50 mile race. The woman who ran a 1:55 half mary in April and could have run a BQ for a full mary no longer exists. I am not her. I have had to learn the low impact pacing. My world has become one of time alone, not distance or competition or qualification or awards. Letting go of the speed angle fits well with inner peace.
A line from A Course in Miracles (ACIM): In your heart, the Heart of God is laid.
.
I got on the scales this morning and I still haven't gained weight. I have not been overeating for awhile and even peanut butter has loosened its hold on me.
I saw one big skunk. Luckily, he saw me and crawled into a drain pipe while I went past. It’s funny to think of my relationship with skunks. I frequently smell them when I'm jogging in the early morning. I have a certain affinity with them. I myself go and hide, preferring not to interact with the world. My defensive mechanisms even work the same way. While not nocturnal, I do like to wander around in the early morning.
I saw one big skunk. Luckily, he saw me and crawled into a drain pipe while I went past. It’s funny to think of my relationship with skunks. I frequently smell them when I'm jogging in the early morning. I have a certain affinity with them. I myself go and hide, preferring not to interact with the world. My defensive mechanisms even work the same way. While not nocturnal, I do like to wander around in the early morning.
SKUNK SYMBOLISM
The skunk brings us an awareness of self-respect. When we fully accept who we are and learn to express the essence of ourselves, without ego, we attract those who share our path and repel those who don't. Skunk medicine is the original "Walk your talk." It is about developing a good self-image.
We would all do well to take this animal symbolism from the skunk: Do no harm. Indeed, as a totem animal, the skunk asks us to defend ourselves effectively, without causing further conflict.
Interestingly, the skunk would prefer to be even less assertive. You see, it takes over a week to reproduce its stinky juices after using them (their glands are only good for about 4 sprays). Ergo, the skunk is 100% sure it must spray before doing so as this defense tool is a commodity in the wild - not to be wasted on false alarms.
In recognizing this, we see the skunk is the ultimate pacifist, and by adopting its peace-loving ways we may obtain the carefree lifestyle this creature enjoys.
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Taper Day 4 - Self Transcendence Model
Day 4 of taper - This morning, I lifted weights and ran 55 minutes. This afternoon, I lifted weights and walked 60 minutes. Is that a taper? Well, I don't plan on running 50 to 70 miles this week per usual; so yes, I'm tapering.
I subscribe to the Suprabha Beckjord 3100 Self Transcendence model of running. The runners in the 3100 mile race go 50 to 70 miles a day for over two months.
I am analytical and I like data analysis. So I've applied my number crunching to calories versus minutes of exercise. Its not that accurate, but it gives me a picture and a way to shoot for a goal. I divide the calories I eat per day by 100 and the minutes exercised by 10. I graph those two things and the difference (sorry, the dates go smunched in this version). My desire is to average a difference of about ten; knowing that on long run days, the graph gets skewed. One minute of exercise is not always 10 calories. That is why the difference goal is 10, rather than the 14 a woman my size would need for daily maintenance.
Believe it or not, before I go get another helping of something, I enter the data into the computer and then decide. Usually, it helps me focus on my goal instead of unconsciously eating until I'm stuffed.
My ACIM metaphysics worked today. I had several worldly situations which would normally cause me to be perturbed or resentful and start a barrage of hateful thoughts towards the other people. Today, I easily remembered not to attack and instead focus on the inner radiance of God which we all share. This practice is one way to look at "forgiveness" as ACIM defines it. In any case, I was so happy to be off the ego hook and using the Holy Spirit's thought system. It was magnificent!
I did most of this forgiveness work while out running. So, while my body was self transcending in one way, my mind was self transcending in another. Cool!
Tomorrow is Friday: special day. The Maryville marathon is in 9 days. I'm not feeling any performance stress like I did before the Olathe Marathon in March. This afternoon I ran in my sahara shorts so I could see if a 7 oz fuel belt bottle would ride without flapping around; and it was very comfortable. So, for Maryville, I may just carry an empty bottle and fill it at the last aid station (because that aid station is too far from the finish line).
I subscribe to the Suprabha Beckjord 3100 Self Transcendence model of running. The runners in the 3100 mile race go 50 to 70 miles a day for over two months.
I am analytical and I like data analysis. So I've applied my number crunching to calories versus minutes of exercise. Its not that accurate, but it gives me a picture and a way to shoot for a goal. I divide the calories I eat per day by 100 and the minutes exercised by 10. I graph those two things and the difference (sorry, the dates go smunched in this version). My desire is to average a difference of about ten; knowing that on long run days, the graph gets skewed. One minute of exercise is not always 10 calories. That is why the difference goal is 10, rather than the 14 a woman my size would need for daily maintenance.
Believe it or not, before I go get another helping of something, I enter the data into the computer and then decide. Usually, it helps me focus on my goal instead of unconsciously eating until I'm stuffed.
My ACIM metaphysics worked today. I had several worldly situations which would normally cause me to be perturbed or resentful and start a barrage of hateful thoughts towards the other people. Today, I easily remembered not to attack and instead focus on the inner radiance of God which we all share. This practice is one way to look at "forgiveness" as ACIM defines it. In any case, I was so happy to be off the ego hook and using the Holy Spirit's thought system. It was magnificent!
I did most of this forgiveness work while out running. So, while my body was self transcending in one way, my mind was self transcending in another. Cool!
Tomorrow is Friday: special day. The Maryville marathon is in 9 days. I'm not feeling any performance stress like I did before the Olathe Marathon in March. This afternoon I ran in my sahara shorts so I could see if a 7 oz fuel belt bottle would ride without flapping around; and it was very comfortable. So, for Maryville, I may just carry an empty bottle and fill it at the last aid station (because that aid station is too far from the finish line).
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
The Road to Maryville - Taper day 3
Day 3 of my taper. On day one, in the morning I did a 40 minute normal porch workout (ex-bike and tm walk) plus weights. In the afternoon, I took apart my big desk in the living room, moved it piece by piece into the spare bedroom, and put it back together. This was so the bicycle could have a parking spot by the door. All that is currently in my living room is the bicycle, the weight bench and storage places for running shoes and clothing. On day 2 in the morning I did a 40 minute normal porch workout plus weights. In the afternoon, I started with 45 minutes of spiritual study. Then a weight workout and 20 minutes walking on the tm. At that time, it had stopped raining so I jogged 3 miles. Today, day 3, I did a 45 minute porch workout plus weights in the morning. In the afternoon, I started with 30 minutes of spiritual study, and then needed a quick nap. After 18 minutes, I leapt up and put on my hiking boots and went for a 90 minute hike.
Now, things got interesting! I was repeating to myself my lesson for today: Love is the way I walk in gratitude. I have no idea what love is or really what gratitude is. Grateful for what? That I have money and a place to live and my health while others are tortured and starving? No! If God is love, He wouldn’t give some starvation and brutality; and I won't thank Him for material comfort (since it didn't come from Him either).
As I walked however, I realized that it doesn’t matter how shallowly I understand this lesson. Since I was keeping my mind on this thought and not allowing it to roam around into resentment and fear, I was in fact defeating my ego in favor of the Holy Spirit’s thought system. And that is all A Course in Miracles is for: returning the mind to God.
As I walked more, I thought about how really good these hikes were on a physical level for training for ultramarathons. As I thought about the place of hiking in my tapering scheme, I thought how I need deep healing in preparation for my next big running event. But deep healing occurs in the mind, and the body takes care of itself. And all that is needed for deep healing of the mind is to bring all resentment and fear, no matter how small, to Jesus; and maintain mental discipline. Mental discipline is renouncing the ego’s hatred, fear and illusion for the Holy Spirit’s guidance. I need to go deeper, farther in to my own being with the light of Jesus; and find there, not darkness, but LIGHT.
One way to rejuvenate physically is to habitually under eat, and consistently eat the same way every day. It’s the same with mental health: habitually limit the thoughts to the few the Holy Spirit selects as healing, and consistently think the same way every day.
In the park, I added up frog calls I hear at various times during the day. The sounds of pre-dawn, afternoon and early evening are different. Today, I saw my first butterfly, a little orange-winged job with black spots. Outside right now, I am listening to the first cricket I’ve heard this year.
I rode my bicycle to work after lunch and will probably use it all day tomorrow. I feel so much better after a brief ride than a car ride. I’m convinced that cars degrade our holiness in some insidious way.
Tomorrow morning, I hope for an early morning run.
Now, things got interesting! I was repeating to myself my lesson for today: Love is the way I walk in gratitude. I have no idea what love is or really what gratitude is. Grateful for what? That I have money and a place to live and my health while others are tortured and starving? No! If God is love, He wouldn’t give some starvation and brutality; and I won't thank Him for material comfort (since it didn't come from Him either).
As I walked however, I realized that it doesn’t matter how shallowly I understand this lesson. Since I was keeping my mind on this thought and not allowing it to roam around into resentment and fear, I was in fact defeating my ego in favor of the Holy Spirit’s thought system. And that is all A Course in Miracles is for: returning the mind to God.
As I walked more, I thought about how really good these hikes were on a physical level for training for ultramarathons. As I thought about the place of hiking in my tapering scheme, I thought how I need deep healing in preparation for my next big running event. But deep healing occurs in the mind, and the body takes care of itself. And all that is needed for deep healing of the mind is to bring all resentment and fear, no matter how small, to Jesus; and maintain mental discipline. Mental discipline is renouncing the ego’s hatred, fear and illusion for the Holy Spirit’s guidance. I need to go deeper, farther in to my own being with the light of Jesus; and find there, not darkness, but LIGHT.
One way to rejuvenate physically is to habitually under eat, and consistently eat the same way every day. It’s the same with mental health: habitually limit the thoughts to the few the Holy Spirit selects as healing, and consistently think the same way every day.
In the park, I added up frog calls I hear at various times during the day. The sounds of pre-dawn, afternoon and early evening are different. Today, I saw my first butterfly, a little orange-winged job with black spots. Outside right now, I am listening to the first cricket I’ve heard this year.
I rode my bicycle to work after lunch and will probably use it all day tomorrow. I feel so much better after a brief ride than a car ride. I’m convinced that cars degrade our holiness in some insidious way.
Tomorrow morning, I hope for an early morning run.
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Adoration
I sit quietly in my monastery, perhaps on my knees (or maybe not), perhaps before the blessed sacrament (always). The blessed sacrament, the sign, the focal point, the oculus, the entrance to the realm of the spirit is what I sit before all day and every day. I do not have the outer form of the prayer posture, or the outer form of the monastic oratory or the physical presence of a monstrance. The oratory is my inner place where God sings. The monstrance is the place where God shows me Himself. Every person is a monstrance. Every environment is an oratory. With all monks, I share an inner content which is true reality: gratitude that love is all there is and that the mind can completely turn itself over to the service of love. The blessed sacrament is the sign not of the Son’s crucifixion, but that all is resurrected. The sacrament is an outer form that speaks of an inner reality. The inner reality is inwards from every person, every molecule and every photon.
My eyes are shut I flow as spirit into the realm of spirit. In quiet, I come to know Love, Creator, True Authority. In truth, I never left this place and I won’t leave it now. Always and forever, I am spirit in a spiritual environment.
Personal statistics: for day one of my taper, I did a 40 minute work out on the machines plus weights in the morning. In the afternoon, I took apart the heavy desk in the living room, moved everything piece by piece into the spare bed room, and put it all back together; so that the bicycle can have a parking spot by the door and eventually I can move the computer out of the kitchen and into the spare bedroom. I rode my bicycle to work yesterday and did not use my car at all. I arrived at work (rainy today) with two bottles of Master Cleanser, two bottles of fresh orange/pear/yam juice, a bottle of green tea and a bottle of water.
My eyes are shut I flow as spirit into the realm of spirit. In quiet, I come to know Love, Creator, True Authority. In truth, I never left this place and I won’t leave it now. Always and forever, I am spirit in a spiritual environment.
Personal statistics: for day one of my taper, I did a 40 minute work out on the machines plus weights in the morning. In the afternoon, I took apart the heavy desk in the living room, moved everything piece by piece into the spare bed room, and put it all back together; so that the bicycle can have a parking spot by the door and eventually I can move the computer out of the kitchen and into the spare bedroom. I rode my bicycle to work yesterday and did not use my car at all. I arrived at work (rainy today) with two bottles of Master Cleanser, two bottles of fresh orange/pear/yam juice, a bottle of green tea and a bottle of water.
Monday, June 1, 2009
My Ego is Shrieking
There is nothing to do, no place to go, can’t speed anything up. I am talking about running and metaphysics.
Running: I am in taper mode, getting ready for the Maryville Marathon on June 13. It entered my awareness yesterday: I am not injured from running, but I am carrying large numbers of micro-injuries at the cellular level. If I taper, these will be well gone before the race. Then, I can push myself during the race. Then I will not receive a run stopping injury post-race.
Metaphysics: The Course in Miracles workbook can only be done one day at a time. The Text can only be digested a little every day. Jesus allows me to heal as quickly as I am able, which often feels like a snail’s pace.
The trick to success however is to not start any $h!t. That is, be peaceful. Everything is fine. Stirring things up or pushing will not help, will not gain anything.
My ego’s insatiability is not lurking. It is right there on the surface making demands: run more, pray more!!! Tell God to give you enlightenment! Hey, Spirit Flower, I’m yelling at you! My ego is in panic mode because I am not obeying it and instead doing what is right for me as spirit. My ego doesn’t know that I am spirit and it kept me from wondering about my true identity for most of my life. But now that I know, I am not a dedicated follower of my ego any more. I am seeking to listen only to the Holy Spirit; and trade worldly self glory for peace.
I am aware that nothing "out there" can satisfy an ego; and only quiet listening will bring me relief.
Here I am at work. I have a day of work in front of me that must be done. Environmental deadlines need to be met, samples taken, reports completed. All of this is very unglamorous. Finding Jesus in the boring mess of a crummy ethanol plant and environmental compliance is a challenge. Finding Jesus means finding peace and gratitude. Finding Jesus means finding the quiet place of holiness inside me and then seeing it in others. Minute by minute, “seeing” is my task. Seeing only holiness is actually all I need do for every minute of every day for the rest of my life.
Today I rode my bicycle to work. I came with at least a gallon of fresh juice, master cleanser, green smoothie and purified water. My goal for the morning is to stay away from the snack machine. Please pray for me!
Running: I am in taper mode, getting ready for the Maryville Marathon on June 13. It entered my awareness yesterday: I am not injured from running, but I am carrying large numbers of micro-injuries at the cellular level. If I taper, these will be well gone before the race. Then, I can push myself during the race. Then I will not receive a run stopping injury post-race.
Metaphysics: The Course in Miracles workbook can only be done one day at a time. The Text can only be digested a little every day. Jesus allows me to heal as quickly as I am able, which often feels like a snail’s pace.
The trick to success however is to not start any $h!t. That is, be peaceful. Everything is fine. Stirring things up or pushing will not help, will not gain anything.
My ego’s insatiability is not lurking. It is right there on the surface making demands: run more, pray more!!! Tell God to give you enlightenment! Hey, Spirit Flower, I’m yelling at you! My ego is in panic mode because I am not obeying it and instead doing what is right for me as spirit. My ego doesn’t know that I am spirit and it kept me from wondering about my true identity for most of my life. But now that I know, I am not a dedicated follower of my ego any more. I am seeking to listen only to the Holy Spirit; and trade worldly self glory for peace.
I am aware that nothing "out there" can satisfy an ego; and only quiet listening will bring me relief.
Here I am at work. I have a day of work in front of me that must be done. Environmental deadlines need to be met, samples taken, reports completed. All of this is very unglamorous. Finding Jesus in the boring mess of a crummy ethanol plant and environmental compliance is a challenge. Finding Jesus means finding peace and gratitude. Finding Jesus means finding the quiet place of holiness inside me and then seeing it in others. Minute by minute, “seeing” is my task. Seeing only holiness is actually all I need do for every minute of every day for the rest of my life.
Today I rode my bicycle to work. I came with at least a gallon of fresh juice, master cleanser, green smoothie and purified water. My goal for the morning is to stay away from the snack machine. Please pray for me!
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