The couple stood there outside the library. The day was not too terribly cold, but it was a November day and there was a chilly wind. He was in a suit and she was in a skirt. He was brunette and she was blond. They were a nice looking couple, at least for a white suburban location.
Beside them was a portable set of shelves carrying religious pamphlets and books. By the look of the tracts, I knew what religion these people were proselytizing for. I had seen other people from that religion in that same location before. Usually I give them a wide berth, as I enter the library. The couple looked a little forlorn since it was a quiet time of day at the library, and anyway, the library makes those kind of people stand a distance away from the entrance.
Today was different. As I parked my car, looking out the car window from the parking lot, I realized that I knew these people. I worked with the girl, and her man also came into our workplace. It would be rude to just brush by them without looking. I may not be religious, and prefer not to interact with proselytizers, but I am not rude. I may not believe I am a sinner. I may not believe I need a savior. Despite my lack of religious belief, being nice is wired into my humanity.
So, I looked out my car window and saw my peeps standing there with their little book shelf. I realized that I was going to go over and say hi to them and be nice, regardless of their religion or their purpose in standing there. And that is what I did. No I didn't pick up any tracts. But I was nice.
Who I am, and who any human really is, is nice. We just are. Accept it. Believe it. Isn't it wonderful that humans are so nice? Doesn't it make you want to be one?
Monday, November 18, 2019
The Next Phase of my Development
So. ten days ago, I ran 50 miles in a race. It was a high time. I was in the zone for many of those miles. No injuries. Yesterday I had an 11 mile run in the forest. Today I ran 7 very fast miles, 10.3 min/mile. Yesterday's video:
In the middle of this week, I decided to carry out some thoughts which had been in my head for awhile. Yes, a couple of events brought emotion into the picture and I snapped. I tried to quit my barista job. Mainly because it was interfering with writing. My identity is really not:barista. So I don't want barista work occupying my brain and using the morning hours which are best for reflecting. As time went on, I was becoming more and more tired and less writing was happening. I tried to quit all together, but the store manager talked me into reducing to 2 short shifts per week, only one early morning and only one weekend day. That helps a lot to lighten the physical and mental burden. I can also plan on keeping the healthcare benefit for another year.
But now, I have my mornings for writing and editing. I won't be as exhausted. I'm excited to have the free time and mental space to create new situations. I also have more freedom to follow intuition. I feel momentum increasing on my book project. This morning was my first time in months to do Morning Pages. Less work returns me to the plan I had a year ago when I retired to do writing. But I must not have been ready so I got a part time job. Now I'm ready to try again. I know a lot more about what I need to do.
In the middle of this week, I decided to carry out some thoughts which had been in my head for awhile. Yes, a couple of events brought emotion into the picture and I snapped. I tried to quit my barista job. Mainly because it was interfering with writing. My identity is really not:barista. So I don't want barista work occupying my brain and using the morning hours which are best for reflecting. As time went on, I was becoming more and more tired and less writing was happening. I tried to quit all together, but the store manager talked me into reducing to 2 short shifts per week, only one early morning and only one weekend day. That helps a lot to lighten the physical and mental burden. I can also plan on keeping the healthcare benefit for another year.
But now, I have my mornings for writing and editing. I won't be as exhausted. I'm excited to have the free time and mental space to create new situations. I also have more freedom to follow intuition. I feel momentum increasing on my book project. This morning was my first time in months to do Morning Pages. Less work returns me to the plan I had a year ago when I retired to do writing. But I must not have been ready so I got a part time job. Now I'm ready to try again. I know a lot more about what I need to do.
Saturday, November 9, 2019
Because I Can
An awesome thing happened to me today: I ran 50.4 miles. The awesome part was that I didn't have to and there was no reward for doing it. I did it because I wanted to.period.
See, the belt buckle was given when I reached 50k (31 miles). But, then, well, I felt good. Why stop there. I was in no hurry to go home, so ahead I went for another lap. And then another lap. And then getting up to 42 miles, I thought, why not go for the 50? I had the laps in me. Nothing was wrong other than a bit tired legs. And it was warm. And I could do it before the sun went down.
I wasn't the only one. It was a 24 hour race. Everyone got a buckle at 50k. But most of the runners continued on, even up past 100 miles. The only reward is internal really. The feeling of what you did is a thing to be remembered and contemplated.
Let me focus on what really astonishes me. I did it for no reward. Not for a bigger buckle or an award of any kind. I just felt like continuing to run even after I got the buckle at 50k. I felt like it so I did it. Usually, I stop when I get the buckle. Today, I just kept going because I wanted to. Sorry to repeat myself three times, but the feeling of going on and on was new to me. The feeling of running more than the required number of miles just because I felt good was incredible. Some mental hurdle disappeared. No resistance at all. It changed the way I look at my life:
I go to work at Starbucks because I can. I jog in forests because I can. I drive a cool car because I can. I drink purified spring water because I can. There is almost no "have to" about my life at the moment. I do what I want because I can.
Driving home, Kansas gave me a treat of a magnificent sunset. Perfect!
See, the belt buckle was given when I reached 50k (31 miles). But, then, well, I felt good. Why stop there. I was in no hurry to go home, so ahead I went for another lap. And then another lap. And then getting up to 42 miles, I thought, why not go for the 50? I had the laps in me. Nothing was wrong other than a bit tired legs. And it was warm. And I could do it before the sun went down.
I wasn't the only one. It was a 24 hour race. Everyone got a buckle at 50k. But most of the runners continued on, even up past 100 miles. The only reward is internal really. The feeling of what you did is a thing to be remembered and contemplated.
Let me focus on what really astonishes me. I did it for no reward. Not for a bigger buckle or an award of any kind. I just felt like continuing to run even after I got the buckle at 50k. I felt like it so I did it. Usually, I stop when I get the buckle. Today, I just kept going because I wanted to. Sorry to repeat myself three times, but the feeling of going on and on was new to me. The feeling of running more than the required number of miles just because I felt good was incredible. Some mental hurdle disappeared. No resistance at all. It changed the way I look at my life:
I go to work at Starbucks because I can. I jog in forests because I can. I drive a cool car because I can. I drink purified spring water because I can. There is almost no "have to" about my life at the moment. I do what I want because I can.
Driving home, Kansas gave me a treat of a magnificent sunset. Perfect!
Thursday, November 7, 2019
Immediate Help
Last evening,I fell into an emotional hole. I knew that if I continued to think the thoughts I was thinking, I end up going down a certain path which I didn't think I wanted to go down. I knew I needed help from my Inner Being. I hadn't truly been conscious of the fact that I had fallen into an emotional hole or why. I felt down on myself and despairing of ever been good enough for my work situation. Clarity was achieved this morning. I slept good and long and I have a day off to reflect.
Be that as it may, last night, I asked for help from my Inner Being, and help was immediately sent. I noticed it. First, as I was driving to a fellowship meeting, I felt gratitude for the work situation which seemed to be troubling me. That is, I remembered the positive aspects. Second, at the fellowship, I sat next to a man who has known me for more than 30 years, and who also is a wise man older than me. Out of the blue, he said, "You seem completely different since you came back. Completely relaxed." Well, this was someone else seeing in me what I could not see in myself, at least not in a moment of emotional turmoil. A gift from the Higher Power since I immediately felt the truth of it. This man has been associating with me for the past year, so however I felt in the moment, my overall vibration is relaxed. Third, the fellowship discussion was on "Go With the Flow." Wait another synchronous event, message from non-physical, reply of the Higher Power. And several people shared how they do prayer and meditation. These three things helped me relax and realize that I need do nothing about my situation.
This morning, after that long sleep, I realize that working 6 days in a row may have exhausted me, and when I am exhausted, I am very emotionally sensitive. And my perception of events at work yesterday left my inner child in emotional turmoil. It seems reasonable now, but last night I was spiraling into an emotional hole.
This morning, having a day off, I pulled out my writing work and continued my editing. This is the first thing I read:
Have mercy on yourself. Stop and be calm a moment. Look inside. We all need to get beyond the raging thoughts in our heads, and get to know our truth.
“As soon as we settle down in hope and confidence to discover the deeper forces within ourselves, they begin to become active.” (Brunton, The Quest for the Over Self, pg 206)
Meditate/ contemplate on your own depths and inner strengths. These are your silent deeper forces. They wait for your attention. Merely shift focus from your obsession to the depths of your being. Get beyond the raging obsessive thoughts and pay attention to the deeper forces.
Listen and new thoughts will come into your mind.
Shoot. My own writing really helped me: Have mercy on yourself.
Also this morning, I got an e-mail from someone who appreciated me. That was super great timing. All the above is to say: I get it. The Universe helps me along. My Inner Being gives me the information I need. Without the synchronicity, or the ability to notice it, I could have headed down a path to changing my life in unnecessary ways. When really, my life is arranged at the moment in a way which facilitates carrying out my dream. I need patience and perseverance because carrying out the dream takes time. Also, related to my emotional turmoil and carrying out my dream, I watched a video yesterday about a woman who saved a kitten. She said she accomplished saving the kitten through "pure stubborn-ness." And for me to accomplish my dream, I need stubborn-ness.
I need do nothing. For the next several weeks, my work schedule returns to a normal pattern of only working 2 or 3 days in a row, not six. I can return to my writing project.
I'm going in a race this weekend. The weather looks perfect. Yee Ha!
Be that as it may, last night, I asked for help from my Inner Being, and help was immediately sent. I noticed it. First, as I was driving to a fellowship meeting, I felt gratitude for the work situation which seemed to be troubling me. That is, I remembered the positive aspects. Second, at the fellowship, I sat next to a man who has known me for more than 30 years, and who also is a wise man older than me. Out of the blue, he said, "You seem completely different since you came back. Completely relaxed." Well, this was someone else seeing in me what I could not see in myself, at least not in a moment of emotional turmoil. A gift from the Higher Power since I immediately felt the truth of it. This man has been associating with me for the past year, so however I felt in the moment, my overall vibration is relaxed. Third, the fellowship discussion was on "Go With the Flow." Wait another synchronous event, message from non-physical, reply of the Higher Power. And several people shared how they do prayer and meditation. These three things helped me relax and realize that I need do nothing about my situation.
This morning, after that long sleep, I realize that working 6 days in a row may have exhausted me, and when I am exhausted, I am very emotionally sensitive. And my perception of events at work yesterday left my inner child in emotional turmoil. It seems reasonable now, but last night I was spiraling into an emotional hole.
This morning, having a day off, I pulled out my writing work and continued my editing. This is the first thing I read:
Have mercy on yourself. Stop and be calm a moment. Look inside. We all need to get beyond the raging thoughts in our heads, and get to know our truth.
“As soon as we settle down in hope and confidence to discover the deeper forces within ourselves, they begin to become active.” (Brunton, The Quest for the Over Self, pg 206)
Meditate/ contemplate on your own depths and inner strengths. These are your silent deeper forces. They wait for your attention. Merely shift focus from your obsession to the depths of your being. Get beyond the raging obsessive thoughts and pay attention to the deeper forces.
Listen and new thoughts will come into your mind.
Also this morning, I got an e-mail from someone who appreciated me. That was super great timing. All the above is to say: I get it. The Universe helps me along. My Inner Being gives me the information I need. Without the synchronicity, or the ability to notice it, I could have headed down a path to changing my life in unnecessary ways. When really, my life is arranged at the moment in a way which facilitates carrying out my dream. I need patience and perseverance because carrying out the dream takes time. Also, related to my emotional turmoil and carrying out my dream, I watched a video yesterday about a woman who saved a kitten. She said she accomplished saving the kitten through "pure stubborn-ness." And for me to accomplish my dream, I need stubborn-ness.
I need do nothing. For the next several weeks, my work schedule returns to a normal pattern of only working 2 or 3 days in a row, not six. I can return to my writing project.
I'm going in a race this weekend. The weather looks perfect. Yee Ha!
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